Friday, January 1, 2010

Things That Actually Happened

Remember when you had to incorporate the word "is" into all of your status updates? I do. These are things that I was actually doing over the course of the year. Not all of them begin with "is", but it was the best I could do.

1/13 Christine Hammond Is feeling slightly pathetic that she worked up a sweat playing wii tennis

1/26 Christine Hammond 's laptop keeps dispelling tiny bits of plastic from its orifices. she's a little concerned.

1/29 Christine Hammond just saw a miller high life commercial. classy.

2/15 Christine Hammond is watching the first, last, and only movie that has ever benefited from putting keanu reeves in a starring roll.

2/28 Christine Hammond 's dad got a new phone with a techno ring tone. every time it rings, he dances

3/8 Christine Hammond broke her ipod. when she turns it on, a cartoon of a sad, arguably dead ipod comes on the screen. a little melodramatic for her taste.

3/16 Christine Hammond finds it HILARIOUS that at one point in her life she thought it necessary to buy an ultra shock absorbing sports bra... oh, wishful thinking.

4/10 Christine Hammond has it bad for patrick dempsey; both now and circa 1987.

4/30 Christine Hammond always feels a little proud when her texts are exactly 160 characters.

5/7 Christine Hammond is going to the ducks game tonight proving once and for all that bandwagons don't make a sound when jumped on.

5/20 Christine Hammond has a flock of maniac nocturnal parrots living outside her bedroom window.

5/26 Christine Hammond is friends with kathy hammond on facebook. this is a good day.

6/4 Christine Hammond is still sad george carlin is dead

6/9 Christine Hammond when businesses give me tiny return envelopes to send my payment, i fold the checks as many times as humanly possible and shove them into the corner of the envelope. somehow being passive aggressive never gets old

7/6 Christine Hammond is seeing up tonight with her grandma, mom, and aunt. she would try and be cuter, but then the puppies would get jealous.

7/9 Christine Hammond be careful that you type in "" and not ""... definitely not the social networking site i was looking for.

7/16 Christine Hammond procured 14 letter openers, countless pens, and 1 giant notepad in the last 2 days; she will soon be opening an ebay store specializing in novelty office supplies.

7/20 Christine Hammond just woke up to her cat pouncing on her head, swatting at her hair, and biting her eyes. super disorienting.

8/14 Christine Hammond feels bad for gypsy children.

8/19 Christine Hammond just got waved to by vin scully.

8/20 Christine Hammond is crawling into newly washed sheets. pretty much the best feeling in the world.

8/20 Christine Hammond is getting her toes done. sooo ticklish.

8/22 Christine Hammond congratulations, jen! happy wedding day!

8/27 Christine Hammond is a fan of waking up to "have a great day" texts. anything that puts a smile on my face at 7:30 a.m. is okay by me

8/29 Christine Hammond just bought a dress for three dollars. THREE dollars. marshalls is made of dreams and rainbows.

8/31 Christine Hammond airports stress me out.

9/12 Christine Hammond locked her keys in her car and is waiting on a curb for aaa to come rescue her.

9/14 Christine Hammond is going to use her lunch money to buy scratchers, figuring she'll either be richer or thinner. win-win.

9/17 Christine Hammond had a cop put his gun in her purse last night because it was "getting in his way". weird night.

9/19 Christine Hammond is pretty sure she's heard the phrase, "i've never seen this happen before" more than any other person. ever.

9/20 Christine Hammond had a mosquito fly into her car while she was driving and bite her neck.

9/21 Christine Hammond is having a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

9/22 Christine Hammond is going to the hospital and then the police department. who knew sitting on a bench could be so hazardous?

10/2 Christine Hammond woke up singing 80's pop ballads. if that's not a sign for a good day, i don't know what is.

10/3 Christine Hammond is staring at an obese woman wearing s shirt that says "people are sweet and i've got the munchies." she terrifies me.

10/15 Christine Hammond just got told she's got two years max before her looks go south, and she should be married. the woman who told her this is going to go home and pray that god sends me a husband. then she winked and said, "He will provide"

10/15 Christine Hammond 's last status was so poorly structured that it's not even worth revising. apologies to the english language.

10/16 Christine Hammond just watched the backstreet boys sing the national anthem. it's a great day for dodger baseball.

10/18 Christine Hammond has every entrance to her house blocked by bears. you hear that?! bears.

10/19 Christine Hammond every time i have a username assigned to me, i get c hammond, but without a space. so it's "chammond". which sounds like some sort of processed meat.

10/26 Christine Hammond sometimes looks up other christine hammonds on facebook just to see what they're up to.

11/7 Christine Hammond isn't sure she has enough gas to get to the gas station. procrastination at its finest.

11/10 Christine Hammond wore boots and a scarf to work today hoping she would guilt november into being cold. apparently november is not to be guilted. november is spiteful.

11/10 Christine Hammond has decided to go shopping tonight instead of eating for the rest of the week. being an adult is all about compromise.

11/15 Christine Hammond started the day with every intention of being productive, but at some point managed to end up on her couch watching movies surrounded by cheese.

11/17 Christine Hammond is embarrassingly good at too many things it's embarrassing to be good at.

12/9 Christine Hammond and her dad just had a tag-team screaming match with a woman. police were called. hammonds mean business.

12/20 Christine Hammond is covered head-to-toe in blankets and is about to watch white christmas from beginning to end for the first time this year. the season can finally start.

12/22 Christine Hammond 's new year's resolution is to not wait until the last minute to do everything. unfortunately, we're still in '09. going to the mall. kill me now.

12/24 Christine Hammond is tragically pathetic at wrapping gifts.

12/28 Christine Hammond 's predictive text tries to write "yeti" instead of "yet"... not as interchangeable as one might suspect.

12/30 Christine Hammond wore high heels to work today... great in theory, not so much in execution.

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